The usual cliché charity silliness
by typicalRAinbow
Summary: One shot: Miss Drill's planning a funday for Children in Need but will the rest of staff get in on the action?


**I ****was meant to post this on Friday but phone lines have been out. Yeah you can probably see where this is going. I own nothing but a story that I'm not making a penny out of. Set in the staffroom if its not that obvious. Authors note/rant at the end for a change : ) **

"Imogen, I'm not sure about this." Miss Cackle said tentatively, examining the yellow head band on the table in front of her.

"I agree." the deputy sniffed, giving the PE teacher a dark look. "It sounds like you're just after a good excuse to be a bad influence."

"It's just to raise some money for charity," Miss Drill grumbled. "Just a bit of-"

"Fun?" Miss Hardbroom questioned and held a white spotty bandage rather disdainfully between finger and thumb. "I thought you said it was a charity not a circus. Goodness knows the girls will certainly look like clowns wearing these."

"It'd just give them a change from the norm." the PE teacher sighed. "Like the slogan says, 'Do something different!' "

"By doing the usual cliché charity silliness?" The Potions teacher questioned.

"What do you propose, holding trivial contests, having the girls selling cakes, " (Miss Cackle's face had lit up at mention of cake.) "Sitting in baths of beans and running around in non-uniform?"

"Of course. Well maybe not the beans, but that sort of thing. And some of the girls are planning on doing sponsor ships and stands as well."

"Oh?" the head teacher asked. "Like who?"

"Well, Enid and Ruby want to do a dance-athon," Miss Drill grinned. "While Maud and Jadu came up with people giving donations for them to collect everyone's dishes at the end of meals. Fen and Gris haven't decided yet but I think its between doing a sponsored run or a sponsored silence."

"A sponsored study would be more believable. And more useful." the potions teacher muttered loud enough for the PE teacher to hear, but was ignored.

"Ms Tapiocas going to man a cake stall with Sybil and her friends planning on doing a few stalls, you know like treasure maps, guess the name of the teddy... The usual 'cliché' stuff. And even Ethel's getting involved."

"Really?" Miss Cackle asked, surprised. The older Hallow was the last person she'd expected to do anything selfless. "What's she planning?"

"A truce." Miss Drill smiled. "She and Mildred are going being sponsored to be nice and polite to one another for a week, no fights, no sabotage and no nasty comments, not even behind the others back. That includes their friends as well but Drusilla and the others have all sworn to be on their best behaviour."

Both the headmistress and deputy blinked wide-eyed as the words sank in, before Miss Cackle said softy, "I think Fenella and Griselda doing a sponsored silence may be more successful…"

"Look, just why are you so against supporting the charity?" Miss Drill snapped annoyed that her colleges also seemed against supporting the girls.

"We're not against the charity-" Miss Cackle started.

"Miss Drill I hate to say it," Miss Hardbroom interrupted, "but any thing that is every organised for the girls enjoyment seems to get thrown back in our faces or turning out completely pear-shaped."

"Constance, please." The headmistress said meaningfully. As true as that nugget of truth was, she didn't need to be reminded of it. "Imogen, I am not against the charity and I'm sure Constance isn't either..."

Miss Drill glared at the potions teacher and received an equally dangerous look in return.

"But you have to admit, she has a point. I'm sure can just make a suitable donation for them, with out causing a riot in school."

"I doubt it will cause a riot-" Miss Drill started.

"Oh really?" Miss Hardbroom challenged. "You just expect Fenella and Griselda to be practically perfect in every way while their doing this sponsored silence? At least if their chattering we can hear what there up to and where they are."

"But the girls-"

"Will probably be perfectly happy to donate to the cause with out having to disrupt their lessons."

"Constance why the hell are you so determined to make sure that Friday doesn't go ahead!" Miss Drill all but shouted. The Potions teacher sniffed and turned to the headmistress.

"You never did tell her what Miss Bat 'arranged' last charity drive..."

Judging from the way Miss Hardbroom dragged out her words with more venom then usual and the way Miss Cackle squirmed in her seat, Miss Drill decided it must have been bad, even for Davina Bat.

However before the headmistress started making an explanation that probably would have contained the words, 'bouncy castle' 'fruit salad' and 'Red Bull', Miss Cackle was saved by the chanting teacher poking her head around the staffroom door.

"Imogen, there's a parcel that's just arrived for you." She said, handing the PE teacher a weighty white package.

"Thanks." Miss Drill smiled then frowned, noticing the little yellow bear on the front. "That's odd …"

"Something wrong Miss Drill?" the deputy asked.

"No." she snapped, opening the container. The chanting teacher swallowed and realising the tension in the room, felt rather tempted to hide in the cupboard. "Just odd. It's a Pudsey Pack. You know the posters, sponsor forms and stuff. "

"Leaving it a little late to send them aren't they?"

"No, I've already had one. That's why it's odd. " Miss Drill muttered gesturing to the bandanna the potions teacher held and the yellow ears on the table. "Oh wait, I see. There're some new bits and bobs in. Look."

She pulled out large grey t-shirt with Terry Wogan's face on and an equally large wad of paper.

"There's some balloons and key rings too. Hang on there's some thing else. I think it's stuck."

She passed the shirt to the chanting teacher who held it out admiringly, while Miss Drill tipped out the rubbery trinkets on to the table and shook the parcel trying to free whatever it was. Something shiny round and flat bounced out on to the floor before spinning like a coin and coming to stop at Miss Hardbroom's boot.

The Potions picked it up and glared at it. For a moment it looked as though she was going to blast it in to oblivion. Instead she turned it this way and that before handing it back to the PE teacher.

"It's the official DVD." Miss Drill said, answering the unasked question and setting it down carefully on top of the table. "It says on the envelope it's a schools pack so I think it's intended to be shown in assembly."

"De-ve-dee?" Miss Cackle echoed sipping her tea. "Interesting. Are those the new fangled Cee-dee coaster things but with films rather then music?"

Miss Drill nodded, flicking though the remaining paper and posters. "But we haven't got a DVD- player to show it on."

"Oh yes we do."

The others watched as the chanting teacher rooted around in the staff room cupboard before pulling out a silver box about the size of a large book and a several metallic little tubes.

"Were on earth did you get that?!" Miss Cackle gasped as her deputy eyed the machine as though it was about to explode.

"Ruby Cherry-tree." the chanting teacher answered setting the DVD player down on the table. "The class recommend to me yesterday seeing something called Pushing Daises. She gave me the set and lent me this to watch it on. Its battery powered too so we don't need any electricity. Trouble is I haven't a clue how to work it…"

"Well in that case, if Imogen can figure it out," Miss Cackle smiled. "May she play the movie for us to see?"

"Headmistress-"

"Oh there's no harm in watching it, Constance." Miss Drill laughed and turned back to her college. "May I?"

"Be my guest." the woman replied, watching as the PE teacher replaced the batteries in their slots, unfolded the box and placed the disc in the drive. "Oh so that's where it goes. I thought the round bit as a cup holder."

Her colleges discretely shared a look before they all crowed around the gadget, the headmistress pulling down her glasses to see the screen better.

The film started by boasting of last years total, the male voice-over filled with laughter as he narrated scenes showing primary school children selling cakes with yellow painted faces. A TV presenter getting slimed, followed by a builder holding up a long sponsor form, the camera zooming out to reveal bright pink tutu that clashed with his steel capped boots.

A bunch of newsreaders clomping around in cheesy dance routines, checkout girls gathering around a giant cheque, before a series of soap actors started belting out an ABBA track.

"But Amongst the fun," the machine told them, "there is a serious issue that together we can fix."

Miss Hardbroom rolled her eyes and Miss Cackle opened her mouth to speak, when this bright and humorous scene on the monitor however was suddenly cut short.

A young boy about fifteen appeared on screen, pushing what seemed to be his father though a park in a wheel chair.

A career sat coaxing a jumper on to a little girl's twisted body, the child struggling to control her limbs.

A lonely child sat in a playground that looked as though it had been in a war zone.

Little dirty faces poking out of cardboard boxes and sleeping bags. Dirty faces, streaked with tears.

"Today in England, Wales Scotland and northern Ireland," a male voice over stated sadly, "Children are still living in poverty, coping with an illness or just in need of someone to talk to. With nearly four million children in this country in need of your help, we can make makes such a difference."

A group of grinning youngsters and volunteers in overalls stood out side a newly painted community building.

Then a gang of teens sat calmly discussing something with a police officer in front of anti-drug and knife crime posters.

A boy appeared after them, chuckling and clapped with joy like a toddler would as bubbles popped on his nose and finger tips.

"Every penny you give will help secure a brighter future and support the help they need at present. This is why your money is so important. Please, don't leave it up to some one else to give."

A young girl appeared on screen, her face lighting up as a man in yellow bear suit hugged her, the pair of them waving to the camera. She couldn't have been much older then the first year girls, but she looked so frail and in pain, her body connected up to all manner of machines and tubes. And yet, she was still smiling.

"After all, every child deserves a childhood…"

The donation number and website appeared on screen, a little Pudsey sat in the corner. Miss Drill released a breath she hadn't realised she was holding. Not taking her eyes off the screen she moved to shut the machine.

"Don't."

The PE teacher turned round to face the headmistress.

"You were right Imogen." Miss Cackle said in a rather hushed voice. "We should help. And we will."

Miss Drill gaped, looking for any sign of a joke or catch but didn't see one.

"Really?!"

"Indeed, I'm sure together we all can raise a suitable amount for them" The headmistress smiled, the Pudsey eared hair-band having replaced the glasses on top of her head.

"Indeed, Indeed!" laughed the chanting teacher, struggling to pull the t-shirt over her head. She'd produced a little paper flag from nowhere and began to waving it about like a baton, both it and the shirt proclaiming she was 'with the bear'.

The non-witch beamed at them, then turned to the only member of the staff yet to speak. Miss Hardbroom hadn't moved since the clip of the girl in the hospital had ended. Miss Drill was surprised but prepared a torrent of abuse forth with.

"Well Constance?"

Miss Hardbroom didn't answer straight away but stood gazing at polka-dot cloth still pinched between her fingers, before she raised her eyes to meet her colleges.

"I don't you three, but I suppose a lot of setting up is involved in an event like this." she said briskly. "So I propose we'd better get started right away. If you two start rallying the girls together, we should have the hall set up reasonably quickly. Perhaps if we set up a time table between us so the students on the stalls can have some fun as well. "

"We?"  
"Started?"  
"Fun?" the other three gasped. Miss Drill was the first to come to her senses.

"You mean... you're going to join in?" She grinned.

A smile twitched on the potions teachers face as she neatly tied the bandana around her wrist, the white and colourful spots standing out against her usual black dress.

"Well, we can hardly have the event unsupervised now can we? And besides, Like the slogan says, Imogen," she said.

"'Do something different'… "

**I apologise if this is ripping off Vicar of Dibley, but our school was planning on cancelling Children in Need as the senior management decided we should only have one charity bash a term (Boo hiss!) So I felt like writing a TV spoof like the ones on the nightlong show to cheer me self up but school ended up getting cancelled anyway because of the bad weather meant the senior management couldn't get into school :D But in all seriousness, Children in need is epic and it should be supported though this applies to most charities. Hope you enjoyed it : )**


End file.
